Yes, I'll admit it now, I am not frustrated, I am not distressed(greatly), I am demotivated. I don't really know what to make of it, I just don't really feel that excited about playing ponies right now.
I still love seeing their faces every morning though and I like to just come down and be with them. Perhaps this is just another phase of my learning, I guess I'll take it that way until I find otherwise. To be honest I am not very happy with anything right now, everything that I held dear and important has changed or is it me!
Today I came down and I just didn't feel like playing so I haltered them both up and took a chair out to the pasture. They grazed for about fifteen minutes I put them back in the pen. It was nice to do just that little bit, but all the time I felt a pressure of trying to know what to do(should I graze them then play, just graze them, etc.).
I'm not very distraught over this confusion, however I do want to get it resolved as soon as possible.
Allow me to muse for a moment.....
As I've been writing this I've began to consider a some reasons for this sudden disinterest in the ponies. Possibly I feel so much pressure to do it just perfect that that pressure is wearing me thin, I wouldn't be suprised to find this theory well backed. The pressure to be socially correct this horses(interpret everything right, be clear, be a leader!), has always gotten in the way of our fun and play. It's possible that I have come to a place were other things sound more fun, I've lately felt the need to broaden my horizions and look into other hobbies. These are, I think factors in this demotivation.
My main goal now is to simply....do the things I want to do and not worry about whether I'm getting it all right.
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Hi Grace! I'm Lea's older sister, Allison, and I have to say that I've been feeling the EXACT same way! I'm 19 and a freshman in college, so I'm away from the farm quite a bit more then I used to be and don't play with my pony, Scout, as much. I've gone through phases of not wanting to play with my Scout and phases of jumping in, learning a ton, and loveing it. Lea is playing in Level 3/4 with her horse and they are very refined and amazing to watch. I know that with the time that I put into Scout that we'll probably never reach that high and the thing is, I'm Ok with that. We'll have a blast right where we are and learn a few new games along the way. I've learned, perhaps a bit on the hard side, that we only have to be good enough for our horses. Lea always says "Play with the horse that shows up" so we adjust ourselves every day and play with what we got. So be encouraged! Oh, and I know all to well about the 'pressure' to be just right. I make mistakes with Scout all the time; a phase to early or to late, not bringing him in when he asks a question and it takes a lot to be able to stop, take a deep breath and say 'How interesting, I'll have to watch out for that next time' and start all over. This past weekend my mom said just smile and laugh a little and it changed everything! We had so much fun! So let's challenge both ourselves to go out and just enjoy our horses. Almost like approach and retreat; stop when we feel the pressure or the frustration. Maybe we'll just spend time today (like you mentioned in your post) and tomorrow we'll WANT to play because we missed it.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you that you refresh your joy for playin' with your pretty ponies! Much love and blessings your way!
Allison ; )
Thanks for commenting! It really encouraged me. It's nice to meet you Allison, sounds like we have alot in common.
ReplyDeleteI'm slowly getting more interested in playing, and I'm trying to play just long enough to "miss it" LOL. I've definitely been praying about all of this and at the moment I honestly don't know what to do with my ponies. I've come to a place of contentment with the horses, they are my friends and I am theirs right now that is all I can comprehend LOL.