Letting go...

     It's been too long since I have last posted, but there is a reason.  The reason is that I have been so confused about everything for the last few months so that there hasn't been much for me to write, except, "I'm still confused!" As of now though I am starting to make some head-way with this new  level of conscious incompetence. 


      All that I can really say is that with the help of my horses and my family I have taken another step in letting go of one of my deepest fears.  That fear being that I'm not good enough, or moreover that I'm not "cool" enough to merit the respect of those whom I call my friends.  I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it is to be a little less afraid than before, all the sudden I see the world in a different way.  It's like breathing clean air for the first time.  Moving past that new level of conscious incompetence is never easy and it took a huge frustration to bring about this change in my confidence and perspective.  However, it was all worth it, letting go of your fear to embrace the love others want to give you is the experience of a life time.  My frustration was in fact that I thought God had foresaken me, I prayed all of the time that he would show me how to be good with the horses, but I prayed that prayer because fear.  I wanted him to make me better with horses, because I thought that would make me good enough(and "cool" enough).  Now I see that because of his tremendous love for me, he gave me what I needed most, a breath of fresh air.